Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Public service announcement

As a public service, I'm posting the rules for Will Durst's State of the Union Drinking Game, freshly updated for 2006:

1. Whenever George W uses the phrases: "national security," "tax relief," "activist judges," or "affordable health care," drink two shots of beer.

2. Whenever George W mentions the tragic events of 9/11, the last person to grab a toothpick, stand, and salute must drink three shots of beer. If you stab yourself in forehead with the toothpick, drink two more shots.

3. If George W actually says, "If Al Qaeda is calling you, we want to know why." first person to finish a whole beer gets to toss Li'l Smokies at any of the others until they finish their beer. Use the toothpicks.

4. If George W makes up a word like "strategerie" or "deteriorize," drink four shots of beer.

5. If George W speaks of Hamas and repeats his earlier statement that "it's good to see people are demanding honest leadership," the first person to stop laughing gets to drink one shot of beer then pummel Suit with empty shot glass. No head shots.

6. Whenever George W talks about bi-partisanship, the last person to grab his throat in a choking motion has to eat 4 Li'l Smokies.

7. If either the Vice President Dick Cheney or First Lady Laura Bush are caught napping, last person to sing "Wake Up Little Susie, Wake Up," has to drink three shots of beer.

8. Predict the number of applause breaks. Person closest to correct number may then force the other three to drink that number of shots of beer in whatever ratio they wish.

9. Three shots of beer if he mentions New Orleans. Five shots of beer if he mentions Brownie. Two full beers if he mentions Abramoff.

10. Every time Tom DeLay is shown in the audience, take turns throwing Li'l Smokies at the TV. Suit sits out. First face hit doesn't have to drink two shots of beer. Every time Hillary Clinton is shown in the audience, Suit throws Li'l Smokies at the TV. If he hits her face, everyone else drinks two shots of beer. Use the toothpicks.

11. Whenever George W quotes the Bible, last person to fall to their knees and cry "Hallelujah!" drinks two shots of beer.

12. Whenever George W smirks during a standing ovation, take turns drinking shots of beer until the audience sits down. Do it double time if his shoulders shake with silent laughter.


# Whoever can correctly identify in advance the person giving the Democratic Response doesn't have to watch it.

I know I'll be watching toni... oh, darn! We don't get that channel!

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